Saturday, March 04, 2006
life goes on(: alrigths. daes have passed after the worst nightmare.
1st march.a fucking O in biology land mi in nowhere among the three local universities.
CCO anD a three in general paper.
YES. this is how badly i haf done fer my A level. i practically screwed up myee As in other words.
the irony: these are the best grades i ever got in myee 2 years of jC life. needless to say, i was upset, depressed, dissappointed, pissed off.. WUDEVER [not as though all these matter anw]. YES i cried. i wld just tear aniwhere anitime kinda thing anD i will be so sleepy anD stop after five minuTes. all these nonsense went on fer 3 daes. i was right at the
bottom of the pit. yet i could not cry. or rather i dunch wan to. at least not in front of mummy. she's worried enough ald. so basically it's just tears hidden beneath the smile. tho i'm suck at acting. she noes LAH. duh.all these are inevitable i guess. after all, i'm a normal being wif sth called feeling anD emotion. i'm upset not because my dreams to enter SMU's dashed. but because i'm not even qualified to enter ONE of the local universities! YES. can you imagine that? not even the dumping grounds in local universities. anD i cant believe that my worst dream- to end up in SIM actually came true.
to retake or not to retake. the question wldnt stop revolving round in my head. myee daddy wans mi to give it another shot while myee mummy doesnt wan mi to. she's aware of how traumatising all the preparations can get. the ultimate decision still lies w/ mi though. i neva had to make such major decision in life. anD now that myee grades haf become reality, i guess i wld just haf to.
i wanted to retake. to at least secure a place in one of the local universities. oh wells, after all that was myee aim when i chose jc over poly 2 years ago. at least i could lighten my parents' burden that way. at least they wldnt haf to fork out the extra cash fer myee education that way. myee daddy doesnt print notes alrights. wud's more i haf myee dear brother to think of. no way am i gonna let him stop at diploma. he cant get aniwhere w that LAH. but then again, turning back anD changing wud's already a reality just seem so wrong to mi. i haf no idea why. but it just didnt seem right to "undo" fate. i would much prefer to move on from where i am anD learn from there. u fall anD u get up from where u fell. yep, u get the idea. at least i feel that it's better off than turning back to beautify my A cert. wud's more, there's no guarantee that i wld do better the next time round. i'm not even sure i haf the strength anD determination to go thru all the shit agn. alrites, i dun even noe fer myself if it's just yet another excuse of mine to escape frm that tramautising period buT i am about 70 percent sure i'm nat gonna retake.
anD to some ppl, spare mi those sympathetic look on ya face. in case u dun noe, it hurts terribly. like "omg, so poor thing that you cant enter the local university".
fuck off.
oh yes, thanks to all that haf been there fer mi(: u guys rawk! special thanks to daddy, mummy, terence, lovely charlene, rubby, xixxi, xue, mwachz, wei wei, weiQi, aunt...
anw, like wuD i alwix said, fer every setback, there has got to be sth you learn from. we cant expect things to alwix go our way. we wldnt noe wud's happiness if we dun experience unhappiness.so just pick yourself up anD
life goes on (:
she misses life as a toddler
